As we speak, sashes and tiaras are being dusted off and spit-shined just in time for another season of contests and pageants. Already, title hopefuls are preparing speeches, hemming gowns and picking out that perfect jockstrap/codpiece/thong that will highlight their body’s best assets without revealing too many imperfections.

Over Martin Luther King Jr weekend, I was fortunate enough to judge the Mr. San Diego Bear Competition. The bears of San Diego take their contest quite seriously, and we had our hands full judging between eating sandwiches, snacks, candy, dinner, more snacks – you get the picture. Although there were only three contestants – they were good contestants. The new Mr. San Diego Bear, Ron Brundige, is a soft-spoken bear with good ideas and a real “nice guy” personality. Give him a few months and he’ll be kickin’ bear ass – especially if he’s gonna compete at International Bear Rendezvous (IBR) in San Francisco 2008.

We just got back from IBR, and San Francisco was unusually warm for this time of year. The fog only rolled in once, and since most of us were touring the local “social club” – Blow Buddies – it didn’t matter how cool it got outside. (Just to let you know, I only tour the social clubs so I can write about them and report back to you what’s going on.) Inside the social club, hungry bears were swallowing anything they could get into their mouths.

The sunny weather meant shirtless, hairy chests were camped out at 18th and Castro sipping low-fat mocha Frappuccinos with soy milk and non-dairy whipped cream on top. Ya just gotta love a bearded face with non-dairy whipped cream all over the mouth. The real treat is watching the tongue slip out periodically to lick it all around.

At IBR there’s wok dinners, dim sum tours, Alcatraz trips, shopping sprees, BIGMUSCLE parties, Beach Blanket Babylon – all before noon! If that’s not enough, there’s the vendor mart, Lonestar Saloon (which had a really long line), video premieres and cruising the hotel lobby. Nighttime was even busier with dances called “Bearacuda,” “Kandy,” “Alternation” and the infamous “SWEAT” with DJ Blaine. Ya’ll know how I feel about DJ Blaine. Of course, the guys from Grey Rose Productions danced on the boxes during SWEAT to keep the heat and energy up. With all the shopping, eating and dancing, it’s a wonder we made it to the “social club” at all.

On the other side of the world, the Centaur Motorcycle Club was choosing Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather in Washington, D.C. For the civilized world this happens over Martin Luther King Jr weekend, but if you’re in Virginia it’s “Robert E. Lee Day.” I just can’t get past that!

The new Mr. Mid-Atlantic Leather is Gary Samuels. I’d describe him as having San Francisco looks. You know – shaved head, beard, goatee, muscles and hung just enough to see it through the leather pants. If you can’t see it through the leather pants, it ain’t worth it even with the muscles. From the photos, I’d say Gary needs an invite to the West Coast so we can see for ourselves if he’s trick material or not.

We’ve invited some of the top judges to San Diego for the Mr. San Diego Leather Contest on March 17, including the current International Mr. Leather, Bo Ladashevska; the American Leatherboy, boy ed; and the co-founder of BigMuscle.com Bill Sanderson. The week before Mr. Leather is Ms. Leather on March 10, which has been absent for a couple of years. The San Diego Leather Women are planning the ultimate comeback, complete with a “women’s only” play party. I don’t know what goes on at a women’s only play party and I don’t want to know. If you know a leather woman, tell her she needs to get her ass there. More information is online at www.clubxsd.org.