Have you ever had one of those nights when you just feel like an ugly troll? You get all dressed up, go to the club and party it up for a couple of hours. But as 2 a.m. nears, you realize you haven’t gotten any “play” the entire night. No drinks bought for you, no looks, no glances – not even a wink! And you just feel absolutely disgusting. Was it your hair? Did your shirt fit too tightly, causing your little gut to protrude? Whatever the problem might be, you’ve got one more chance to see if you can get at least a “hello” out of that hottie you’ve been eyeing all night: the “meat market.”

And this certainly isn’t your grandmother’s meat market! These meat markets can be found in front of most clubs around town from about 1:40 until 2:10 a.m. The gay men and their friends just sort of naturally create these spaces, and there really is no scientific reason for their occurrence, other than the male sex drive. Take a bunch of horny gay men, add some alcohol into the mix, and the fact the club has now closed, and you’ve got a meat market. Others have called it the “Land of Last Chances” or the “Sidewalk Sale.”

Last Friday, I headed out to Rich’s to hear one of my new favorite DJs spin, DJ Tye. As always, he put on an impressive set, filling the club with his uplifting beats. If you haven’t been to Rich’s lately, be sure to stop by and check out the new improvements around the club. The old “bleacher style” seating has been replaced with lounge booths, and the new lighting effects are really cool. There are 32 giant light tubes around the dance floor that move to the beat of the music, like a giant equalizer.

Anyways, after spending some time dancing, the house lights came on, signaling an end to the night. At 1:50 a.m., I was having a good time and wasn’t feeling quite ready to go home. And, yes, I was feeling a little down because nobody had even complimented my outfit, which I thought was very sexy. So I followed the crowds out to the front sidewalk… and stood there. The bright halogen lights that sit atop Rich’s come on at closing time, and they are not very flattering. But it was my last chance, and I stood, putting myself on the market. All kinds of mess came stumbling out of Rich’s. It was just too much mess for me, so I went home.

Then Saturday night rolled around and it was time to go out again. A friend of mine had just turned 21, so he had a pre-party at the beautiful Bamboo Lounge in Hillcrest. I came to this lounge when it first opened and hadn’t been back since. The place has really blossomed! They’ve made a lot of upgrades, and I guess the buzz has spread, as the place was packed! The Bamboo Lounge has daily specials and is a great place to relax, eat or drink. Check it out on the Web at www.bambooloungesd.com.

After some time there, my friend wanted to go to Flicks to play some pool. Not my usual Saturday night destination, but it turned out to be a lot of fun. I got roped into competing in the weekly “Wet Underwear Contest,” and guess who won? That’s right – your Barfly certainly knows how to shake his ass when it gets wet. The $100 prize wasn’t bad!

I meant to head over to Rich’s that night again to check out the new “Voltage” party, but I had to stick around Flicks until about 1:20 a.m. to find out who won the contest. As the Flicks crowd started to fade around 1:35, a couple of friends and I thought we’d head over to the sidewalk in front of Rich’s to see if we could have some fun. Saturday night at the Sidewalk Sale was a much better experience! Certainly, all of the regular messes came stumbling out, but there were quite a few hotties in the mix! I was given two business cards, an invitation to a private party and my friend Adrian and I each picked up an after-club dinner date. These boys joined us for late-night snacks at Brians’ American Eatery on Washington Street. Brians’ is always a great place to wind down after a night of drinking and dancing, as they are open 24-hours on Fridays and Saturdays.

I remember when I was 19 years old, I used to hang out at the old Living Room Coffeehouse in Hillcrest, and after they would close at 1 a.m., we’d walk around a bit and then head over to Rich’s for the meat market at about 1:35 a.m. It was a great way to find some of those boys that seemed so off-limits to us because of that pesky 21-and-up law. So checking out the goods at the meat market can also be a fun activity for those 18- to 20-year-old boys that can’t quite make their way into the clubs. It certainly is a time-honored San Diego tradition! Other clubs around town that have great, late-night Sidewalk Sales include The Flame on Fridays, Numbers on Saturdays and The Brass Rail on Saturdays.

May is here, which means summer is just around the corner. San Diego’s scene will begin to heat up with all kinds of exciting parties and events. Bacchus House will host “Mega Foam,” its first foam event, Saturday, May 12. And if you missed the first Voltage party at Rich’s, you have another chance to check out this fun new night on May 12. Also, the popular Military Madness party returns to Club Montage Saturday, May 19, with a surprise guest performer (they won’t even tell me who it is!). And this is just the beginning!

Remember to always play it safe at the meat market! You can reach me via editor@uptownpub.com.