Summer is officially here, and that means it’s Pride season. All over the world, hordes of homosexuals are sashaying down pink cobblestone streets, waving multicolored banners and chanting slogans of acceptance. This is the one time of year members of the gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community feel unity; the one time a year we feel it’s safe to eat, drink and be “Mary” with the rest of the world.

To Mr. and Mrs. Stickuptheass in Neverscrew, Ark., it might seem that we gays are all for one and one for all. Of course, as they sit horrified in front of the television, as if they’re watching a wreck between Thomas the Train and The Little Engine That Could, Mr. Stickuptheass is dreaming about one day taking a ride down the Tight Tunnel of Carnal Joy. Still, the average Joe Gay Boy believes we have one goal and one thing in common (besides our fondness for meat on a stick). Joe Gay Boy rides on the front of the float believing the hype we’ve created to fool the left, right and middle minority. All of our sashaying, banner waving and chanting says to the Stickuptheasses all over the world that we are united. That we are strong, powerful Mary’s, and we’re mad as hell, and we’re not gonna take it anymore!

We’re mad as hell that we don’t have the right to marry and get divorced two years later like our baby-breeding counterparts. We’re mad as hell that we can’t join the manly men as they invade the lands of people who have been there for thousands of years, and rape and pillage their villages without recourse. We’re mad as hell that after 38 years, the gays and lesbians who consider themselves the movers and the shakers in our amazing Technicolor world still find it necessary to shield Mr. and Mrs. Stickuptheass, of Neverscrew, Ark., from the less-desirable segments of the GLBT community. This segment includes anyone who doesn’t look, speak or act like a white male who never screws except in missionary position with the lights off in the privacy of his own bedroom.

As we speak, the darker side of the GLBT community is constructing the “Leather Realm” for San Diego Pride as a safe place for those interested in leather and those interested in pointing and giggling at those in leather. The “Leather Realm” has been going on for a number of years and, if used correctly, it will serve as a learning center for anyone who doesn’t look, speak or act like a white male who never screws except in missionary position with the lights off in the privacy of his own bedroom. It will also be a walled-up and monitored fortress to protect the sashaying, multicolored banner-waving homosexuals and the underage gays-in-training from the men and women in black – or us from them, depending on how you look at it.

At some point, we are going to break down the fortress walls and not be treated as the loony auntie in the attic. Leather people are going to march in the streets waving multicolored banners and chanting slogans of acceptance. Bears, and not just muscle bears, are going to mark their territory and carve out a place alongside the hairless twinks, who only love them when they feel the need to be smothered in hirsute manliness. Bisexual people will love and lust after whomever fills the void of the day. The transgender will be understood and not just tolerated by the A-gays who wish they’d only come out at night. And, finally, the boys and girls in drag will be given the respect they deserve for having the courage to stand up and fight for the rights of all of those who are marching with Pride.

Stand proudly In the Pit! inthepitsd@aol.com