Over the years, Lazy Bear has grown to be one of the premier bear events in the world and has donated hundreds of thousands of dollars to various charities. At Lazy Bear, there are plenty of places to get wild and nasty, eat and drink, or just lie around and soak up the Russian River sun. Founders, Uncle Harry and his gold-medal-winning track star husbear, Allen, have put together one of their “you don’t want to miss this one” schedule of events for Lazy Bear 2007.

Lazy Bear runs from Aug. 1-6 in Guerneville, Calif., otherwise known as the Russian River. Back in the day, Wednesday was when one could arrive early to have dinner with friends and pick up a local trick or two before the hordes of horny men arrived. Nowadays, Wednesday is the first day of check-in at the Coffee Bazaar, which serves pastries, ice cream, beverages and has a couple of computers for those who have to check their bigmuscle.com profiles. The pool parties at the West Sonoma Inn, Triple R and The Woods also begin on Wednesday. At night, there’s the “Twilight Party,” “Kick-Off Party,” “Beverage Benefit” and “Outback Bonfire.” The bonfire happens every night, but, unfortunately, no one roasts marshmallows, graham crackers or chocolate bars to make s’mores. To get “some more,” you’ll have to make your way through the darkness to the infamous “bonfire bushes.” There, you’ll find “s’more” and more and more, until you can’t take any more. And that’s only the first night!

Thursday begins with brunch at various restaurants from 9 a.m. to 2 p.m. Yes, bears need five hours to get their lazy asses out of bed (or wherever they spent the night), get dressed and go eat. Five hours! Now is that lazy or is that lazy? The “Twilight Party” is Thursday evening with a wine-and-cheese tasting at The Willows. There’s also a “Hollywood Sneak Preview” and “Evolution,” the first of the big dances.

On Friday, there is the pool party up the hill at The Highlands. Down the road, the men of Grey Rose Productions will team with some hot guys from Phoenix and San Francisco for a really wild backyard/backroom party. E-mail me at inthepitsd@aol.com for details. This is all followed by the “Underbear” party, “Country Western Dance” at Bucks, “Basket Dance,” “Fuzz @ Fab” and “Bearioke.” Bears can insert the word “bear” into anything – I do mean anything!

“Deliverance,” sort of a redneck party with a pie-eating contest and deep fried Twinkies, is on Saturday. We’ve finally figured out a way to get rid of “twinkies.” Deep fry ’em and eat ’em.

You won’t want to miss the “Bigmusclebears.com Ice Cream Social.” But get there early. This is a bear event and this is free ice cream. Later there’s the “Bearracuda” dance party (see there’s that “bear” thing again), but the big event for Saturday night is “Sweat,” hosted by Grey Rose Productions, Castrobear Presents and the South of Market Bare Chest Calendar Men. “Sweat” is the dance and features the way-too-sexy DJ Blaine. Blaine is what we call “hot, hot,” and his music makes you wanna take your clothes off. Actually, it’s Blaine’s looks that make you wanna take your clothes off, and his music makes you wanna keep ’em off.

This brings us to Sunday, where we find the “Sweat Tea Dance,” also featuring DJ Blaine, but this time in the hot Russian River sun.

Sunday wouldn’t be complete without “Sunday Furry Sunday,” which happens on a private estate. If there’s a premier daytime event, it’s “Sunday Furry Sunday,” with uninterrupted music, a live performance by the Whoa Nellies and food provided by the South of Market Bare Chest Calendar Men.

Now follow all of that with “MEGAWOOF,” featuring London DJs Diddy and Daz. “MEGAWOOF” was in San Diego last March at Rich’s and those boys never disappoint. Once you get over your butch bear-itude and let your inner diva hit the dance floor, you’ll know why they’re called “MEGAWOOF.” Hopefully, we’ll be able to get them back to San Diego soon.

Obviously, there’s too much stuff to mention in one article, so check out www.lazybearweekend.com.

If you’re staying in San Diego, swing by Pleasures & Treasures to view the work of some of our most talented artists. There will also be fun things happening at the San Diego Eagle, Redwing, Pecs and Rich’s.

L.L. Bear Pride is this Saturday, July 21, at Rich’s. L.L. Bear is San Diego’s biggest Levi’s, leather and bear night. Celebrate Pride in grand style with a huge party, featuring hot MEN go-go dancers and special guest DJ Kimberly S from Los Angeles. This will be a busy night! Arrive early to avoid the line. Doors open at 9 p.m.

If I don’t see ya at Lazy Bear, I’ll see ya In The Pit! inthepitsd@aol.com