As we all know, sex for gay men is complex. Not hard to get by any means, but sometimes too readily available for those of us who actually want more than just a fling or a one night stand. The question is: Is it possible to find a caring and loving relationship amidst all of the cheap sex surrounding the gay scene? The Barfly went out to get some answers…

I ventured into many different bars notorious for, among other things, finding your man (or woman) of the hour and having a little “no strings attached” fun. From Rich’s to Numbers, Hamburger Mary’s to Pecs, I made an appearance at all the best clubs to find out if people can actually find their soul mate buried somewhere beneath the breeding grounds of the one night stand.

My first stop on this particular night was Numbers. With drink in hand and a million questions, I scoped the scene for couples. The first couple I came across seemed to be very happy and oblivious to the chaos surrounding them. Lost in each others eyes, I decided that they would be perfect to question about where they met, how they feel about each other and if the bar scene has had any negative impact on their relationship. Chris and partner, I found out, have been together for three years and are happily in love. When asked where they met, Chris told me: “We actually met at Rich’s quite some time ago. I wasn’t looking for it to happen and never thought I would meet my boyfriend at a bar! It just goes to show that you can find the man of your dreams anywhere. You can’t rule out finding love just because you are in a club.”

As I walked away, I couldn’t help but be happy for the two of them, but I knew there were others out there who felt differently.

Ah Rich’s: hot men and always a helluva time. After downing a shot and brew, I decided to approach the lone hottie posing by the dance floor. Let’s take a look at Cody, 26, who had something quite different to say. After a few drinks, I asked Cody what he thought about searching for that special someone in San Diego’s gay scene.

“Love in a club? Maybe for some, but for me a one night stand is all that ever comes from meeting a boy in a bar,” Cody shouted into my ear over the loud music. “You have a few drinks, you flirt a bit and then you go home and get busy. If you get the call back for another go ’round, that’s great, but it usually ends at that. No fuss, not drama, just a good time.”

I asked if he thought it was possible to find a mate in a club. I mean, come on, it’s not like we have a lot of options available to meet quality men outside of logging on to the Internet. And we all know how seedy that can be.

“For me, not at all. I don’t even want to try,” he answered. “At one time I thought it was possible, but from my experience, it doesn’t happen.”

A little depressing, yes, but I guess everyone has their own view on what can and can’t happen in the club. If it is a waste of time to look for love in the drunken trick you picked up at Mary’s, then what are our options? Maybe I’m just being optimistic, but my take on the situation is that it is possible to find that one person for you – wherever you might be.

So is there a solid route to the man of your dreams without having to put yourself on the meat market at Pecs or the 2:00 a.m. sidewalk sale outside The Flame? Who’s to say? But for the record, I say that love can and will pop up in the most random places, even amidst the glow and thumping beats of San Diego’s party scene.