Dear Lemon:

I’ve recently started dating someone new. He’s as close to perfect as it gets: funny, successful, charming – and hot! There’s one hitch, though. We are both bottoms. We had sex for the first time last week and it was pretty obvious. I don’t think I can date a bottom. Everything else is so great. I was even beginning to develop real feelings for him, but it’s just not going to work, right? I should just forget about it. Help Lemon!

Sincerely,

Both Bottoms

Dear Both Bottoms:

We’ve all heard that expression when two bottoms are spotted together: “What are they gonna do, bump pussies?” Can two bottoms be in a relationship together and enjoy healthy sex lives? I’m not so sure.

I would normally say find a top and get over it, but part of me wants to believe there’s hope.

Sit this guy down. Find out exactly what he’s into. Is there a sliver of versatility there? How about you? Can you switch-hit for the right guy?

Being a top or a bottom (active or passive) is more than just physical; it’s psychological. Here’s where you may run into a few snags. This goes beyond sex. It’s often the role (i.e. submissive) that people find erotic. Some bottoms may have difficulty switching roles or may desire a partner to be dominant. Take an honest look at your sexual behavior. What is it that excites you? Find out the same from him.

If the two of you have chemistry, that may be enough. And if feelings develop for one another, that too can make up for what’s lacking in the sack. Go for it. It may not work, but then again that’s true for any relationship.

Dear Lemon:

My boyfriend wants me to rim him. I have to be honest, I think that’s fcking disgusting. I am not licking someone’s asshole. It seems pretty common, though. I’ve even had guys rim me and then want to kiss me. What’s with that? Am I missing something here? We all understand this is ass we are eating, right?

Sincerely,

Ass Is Not For Eating

Dear AINFE:

I don’t know what to tell you, bud. Either you’re into it or you’re not. Have you even tried? Have your boyfriend scrub-a-dub-dub and give it a go. Who knows, you may get into it. If not, oh well. At least your boyfriend will know you gave it a shot for his sake.

Now for some scary facts about eatin’ butt: Yes, many an STD has been transferred through oral-to-anal contact, my friends. I knew a guy who got anal warts on his face from pigging out at the ass buffet. Urban legend? Not so much!

Shigellosis is fun to say, but not fun to catch. It’s basically dysentery. Symptoms include explosive diarrhea and bloody stool. Now who’s up for tossing a salad?

So in conclusion: A lot of guys love it; some don’t. Just do whatever you’re comfortable with. You can please your man in many more ways than just eating his ass – ya dig?

Send your sick and twisted questions for sex advice columnist Lemon Puddles to lemonpuddles@yahoo.com.