have been in way too good of a mood lately. Duffy has been going on dates, getting laid and in general having a really good time. So when I saw the video Rude Boiz 4: Spunky Trackies sitting on the shelf at Rocket HQ, I thought this was just the movie for me to unload the bitch that has been building up inside. Now, bear in mind I have not seen Rude Boiz 1-3, so I might be lost on the plot. But seeing as how there isn’t any dialogue, I think I’m going to be OK.

I’m in the mood to be mean and nasty, and I’m hoping these rude boiz give me just what I need. Another thing I need is a gin and tonic, and I don’t want that top-shelf shit. Give me the cheep, bitter stuff.

We begin with a guy sitting on his sofa and playing with himself. He’s kinda cute and kinda beefy, and I’m thinking I could get into this. His name is Marc Wilson, and he’s wearing blue shorts and a gray tank top. Then we cut to another guy – tall, lean and tan with dark hair – walking down the street. His name is Ryan B, and I’m thinking B stands for badass because he’s rude and all.

Ryan just walks through the door into Matt’s place and doesn’t even introduce himself before he starts sucking him. My goodness, these boys are rude! I feel like they need to go to school and learn some manners. And Matt needs to learn how to not moan with his mouth full – it’s a bit much. Anyway, Ryan f*cks Matt, and you know what’s awesome? Guys who shoot. Seriously, it’s hot, and Matt blasts some warning shots over his shoulders. I love it! Then Ryan jacks off and shoots Matt in the face. He’s gets a cum mustache from it, which makes him look like he’s ready to do one of those “Got Milk?” ads. Also, that was rude of Ryan to shoot on his face and not apologize.

Next we’ve got two more rude boiz who are wearing track suits and looking like they should be extras in a 50 Cent rap video. Steve Daniels is just hanging out – you know, because he’s all street and rude like that. His buddy Rex Francis shows up (and with a name like that, do you think the other rude boys beat him up? Or at least point at him and snicker?). Steve and Rex make out a lot and suck a lot of dick, and then they jerk off on their track pants. I hope they don’t take those to the same cleaner Monica Lewinski uses because that bitch doesn’t know how to get a cum stain out.

But wait, there’s more. These guys go for round 2, and that’s hot. Rex f*cks Steve until he cums, and this guy’s got another rocket launcher. He shoots everywhere, and it’s awesome. Then Rex cums. And scene!

Now we have two guys walking through alleys and past garbage dumpsters, because that’s what rude boiz do. Their names are Patrick J (for jackass, because that would make him rude) and Paul Harris. They walk into a house where this guy John Lukas is playing with himself. And judging by the wet spot in his briefs, I would say he’s been playing for a bit now.

So lots of head is exchanged and then Paul f*cks Patrick. That’s pretty good, but then Patrick f*cks Paul and it’s really good. And then John f*cks Paul, and for being such rude boiz they sure know how to share.

Paul gets f*cked until he cums, and then John and Patrick shoot their loads on his Adidas track pants. That’s way not cool because now he’s got to walk home in cum-stained track pants.

More rude boiz, Jack Dieson and Matt Taylor, suck a little – well, a lot – and then Matt eats out Jack’s ass, so you know who’s gonna be f*cked. Matt goes to town and they shoot big loads.

Then this dude Jay Lee, who has a huge dick, can’t wait for his trick to get there so he beats off without his buddy (I know, how rude!). But apparently that doesn’t phase him because when his trick, Leo James, shows up, he lets the guy f*ck him and he cums again! That’s like a double whammy. Anyway, his trick shoots a load on his face and again doesn’t even apologize. I have had it with the rudeness!

I was ready to tear this video apart after all the good-quality productions I’ve been watching lately, but I have to tell you this is some great amateur porn. I’m not going to point fingers, but some of the guys were way hotter than the others, and I really liked a couple of the scenes. What makes this good amateur porn is that the guys look like they’re into it, the filming is quality and the editing is great. This is what low budget porn should look like.

rating:

HIT THE STRATOSPHERE

&&&

Directed by Simon Booth

Eurocreme Studios

Starring: Jack Dieson, Jay Lee, John Lukas, Leo James, Marc Wilson, Matt Taylor, Patrick J, Paul Harris, Rex Francis, Ryan B and Steve Daniels.