Now that we’ve recuperated, let’s talk about Lazy Bear at night.

The bonfire is always a big hit at Lazy Bear, and this year’s bonfire was at a new location, The Outback. Imagine a huge fire on the outdoor movie set of Killer Klowns From Outer Space and you have The Outback. Who knew there was fun to be had in the darkness surrounding the fire? It took the more naïve boners a while to figure out the woods were filled with bear suckers. You just had to follow the slurping sound of sucking down loads of honey. Well, we know now. Remember for next year.

Good thing there’s liquid protein flowing freely during Lazy Bear. A bear need his nutrients if he’s gonna survive the next four nights of drinking, dancing and debauchery. The local Guernevillians have a couple of drinking holes that were filled with out-of-towners. Rainbow Cattle Company has been around forever and is still kickin’ ass. A couple of Guerneville’s favorite bartenders sling cocktails there, including the obscenely hung Taylor P. I’ve only heard from a very reliable source that Taylor is obscenely hung, but it’s true. Just ask him!

Across the street from the Rainbow is Liquid Sky, which I’ve been told is named after an old ’80s B movie. Weren’t most of the ’80s movies B movies? The STINK dance was at Liquid Sky, and one has to go to anything called STINK. We did… We stunk… It was soooo good!

Luckily, Guerneville is only four blocks, so we could go from The Rainbow to STINK and to the UNDERBEAR party at the RRR. OK, here goes. Dare I say it?

Not every bear looks good in his drawers. Regardless of how many little cute bears or trees are on their drawers, or if they are long johns, boxers or briefs – not everyone should be seen in public in his drawers. I’m all about feeling good about oneself, but a reality check is a good thing. I’m not saying who’s hot and who’s not, but if you’re not hot – just go to look at the bears who are hot. Deal?

Gay bears and their admirers love to dance, and there was a huge dance every night. The boys from Minneapolis threw the crazy-ass party ALTERNATION at Liquid Sky. ALTERNATION had real big, heavy-set boys on stage dancin’. We’re talkin’ kicks, turns, splits, back bends, holding the foot up to the ear – dancin’ on a whole ‘nother level. Muscle bears are great to look at, but big boys dancin’ their asses off – priceless. Who knew they could work it like that in Minneapolis? Who knew?

If you weren’t working it with the big boys, you were dripping it at the SWEAT dance. The Bare Chest Calendar guys always give great service from behind the bar at SWEAT. Buster from Grey Rose Productions and his now infamous dance always gets the crowd excited with balloons floating all over the dance floor. Matt Consola spins at some of the SWEAT dances and always manages to whip the crowd into an orgasmic frenzy. If you looked close enough you could actually see the frenzy – and at times the orgasm.

Somehow, most late-night bears missed the early morning workout “Bootcamp.” (Whose idea was an early morning workout, Jack Radcliffe?). Some bears even missed the brunch. (Bears missing a meal, who’d have thought?). But no one missed Sunday Furry Sunday. This year’s Sunday daytime party was held on a private estate. What a class act! An Olympic-size pool, two bands, DJ, food, lots of sunshine and men who still looked good in the daylight. Like I said, class act!

Finally, the last dance MEGAWOOF, featuring Diddy and Daz. No, not P-Diddy! This Diddy is from London and MEGAWOOF is Europe’s hottest bear dance. Every dance had that special something that made it unique, and MEGAWOOF brought you amazing mixes with an incredible laser light and visual art show. Even the tired bears who had been working it all weekend got it up for MEGAWOOF. Take a look at megawoof.com and check out Daz, who is now a friend of one of the guys from Grey Rose Productions. We’ve got to get them to San Diego! A taste of Europe will do us all some good!

That’s it for Lazy Bear Weekend. We’ll be back to local stuff next week, so you can write me at the other e-mail address, inthepitsd@aol.com.