(March 20-April 18): You’ve got a dirty mouth, Aries. Judge your audience and tailor those table manners accordingly. An afternoon lunch with the girlz is one thing; a coffee break with the co-workers is another. Remember, not everyone is comfortable talking about fisting over scones.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Friends can be a disappointment. If you’ve got a few bad apples, toss ’em and start anew. Reconnect with old friends, too. Actively recruit new and interesting people into your circle and watch your social life soar.

(April 19-May 20): You’re suddenly drawn to a close friend. Has he been the one this whole time? Be sure before you fuck it up. Once you two become intimate, there’s no going back.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Lassoing that libido has always been a challenge, hasn’t it Scorpio? Your dick has a mind of its own, and it’s always thinking about meeting as many people as possible. Masturbate before you leave the house. At least that will give you a fighting chance.

(May 21-June 20): A flirtation at the gym has ripened. Pick that fruit now before the opportunity passes you by. The eye-contact game can only last for so long before it gets tired. Be bold and give him your number.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 21): An ex-boyfriend is making your life a living hell. Be the bigger person (you always were) and stay positive. If he’s trashing you, don’t respond. In the end he’ll look like the ass.

(June 21-July 22): You’ve always been self-conscious about your size. Well, honey, there ain’t nothing you can do about it. If you’re six inches or less, you better make damn good use of all six of them inches and get on with it.

(Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Going out less as you get older? Well, thank God. No one wants to be 40 and a regular at the boy bar. You’re not dead yet, though. Frequent swankier, non-scene establishments and turn 40 into sexy and distinguished.

(July 23-Aug. 22): After record time in a monogamous relationship, you’re about to cheat. Stop and think about what this could mean for your relationship. Be honest and talk to your partner. Who knows, maybe he’s thinking the same thing.

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Fed up with the local scene? Pack up the SUV and get out of town for the weekend. It doesn’t matter where, just go. Feel what it’s like to be fresh meat again.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): An admirer has gone from kind of sweet to dirty old pervert. Instead of shrugging it off, speak up next time he becomes inappropriate. Oh, and if you’re not sure whether to attend an upcoming Palm Springs party, the answer is: go!

(Feb. 19-March 19): Homewrecker! You’ve got a knack for destroying relationships. Remember, karma’s a bitch. The second you land a man of your own you’ll see what I mean.