Dear Puddles:

I am in a relationship with a great guy. I recently met another great guy who I quickly became friends with. He too has a partner. During the course of our friendship, it was quickly discovered and confessed on both ends that we have a crush on each other. Although I don’t typically support affairs, I was willing to give in because of how I feel. The guy I have a crush on has told me, as much as he would like to, he cannot act upon his feelings. Who knows, maybe there is hope down the road.

Can I still maintain this friendship? Can I be deceptive to land this guy in bed? I am having a hard time turning off my feelings to be the great friend I know I am.

So confused

Dear So confused:

I’m guessing by your use of the term “affair” that you currently are in what is supposed to be a monogamous relationship. Your first responsibility is to your relationship. If you want to keep your man, don’t pursue another. I would advise you to come clean with your partner and work on repairing the potential damage.

Should you maintain a friendship with your crush? Not if you want what is best for your relationship. Your feelings for this guy will ultimately poison the relationship you have. The further from him the better!

Your crush has a boyfriend, too. He has made it clear that he cannot act on his feelings. If you trick him into sleeping with you (as you suggest), not only do you run the risk of ruining the friendship, you also put his relationship in jeopardy.

No wonder you’re so confused. There are a lot of players involved. You have the potential to hurt a lot of people.

Don’t fret too much. Gay relationships have the shelf life of a ripe banana. You can bet that sooner rather than later his current relationship will come to an end. And you can apply that same principle to your own relationship. Then, finally, you two can live happily ever after (for a month or two).