We love them. They adore us. They have been called a number of different names, but regardless of the terminology, these ladies are our best friends, our gal pals and our No. 1 choice to spend a “girl’s night out” with. Yes, I’m talking about fag hags or fruit flies or homo honeys or fairy godmothers or queer dears. Famous fag hags include Margaret Cho, Kathy Griffin, Doris Day (Rock Hudson’s hag) and Grace (Will’s fly). We all have a favorite fag hag, and the best part is dressing them up, doing their makeup and taking them out for a night on the gay town!

A couple friends and I have our favorite homo honey, and she recently turned 21. This was quite exciting for her, as she had been looking forward to going to the clubs for a couple of years. But she wasn’t really that excited about hitting the downtown or PB scene; instead, she was bursting out of her sequin-embellished cami top from Express to hit Hillcrest. In fact, she begged us to throw her 21st birthday party at Rich’s. She was very curious to see what was behind that warehouse-like façade that is home to one of San Diego’s best dance clubs. She made us proud!

You see, she had heard from other “real girl” friends of hers that gay clubs were the best place to party. The girls don’t have to worry about the hordes of straight men attacking them with cheesy pick-up lines. And typically, the well-dressed straight girl is the life of the party. This has certainly proven true for me, as whenever I take a straight girlfriend to a gay club, I seem to have to fight the gay boys off of her!

So recently we took our fairy godmother out. We started the evening with dinner in downtown, with plans to hit Hillcrest afterward. As we were walking back to the car, still in downtown, we ran into some club promoters who were handing out free passes to On Broadway – if we made it there by 10:30 p.m. With about 15 minutes to spare, we decided to take advantage of the offer. Our fag hag had never been to the massive event space before, so we took her in for a tour. She was amazed by the sheer size of the place, which includes a sushi restaurant, several bars and a number of different rooms that all have different color schemes and themes.

On Broadway is fun, but it’s not cheap (unless you find free passes on the street), and our fag hag wasn’t too impressed with the selection of boys. Off to Hillcrest.

We got to Hillcrest at about 11:30 p.m. and headed straight to Rich’s. Our fag hag would finally get to fulfill her dream of seeing what was inside! The crew at Spin Cycle Productions was hosting their regular Discoteka party on this particular night. We made it on time, and we were part of the first 400 people through the door who got a free CD mixed by DJ Nikno. It has some great tracks on it, by the way!

Our gal pal was in heaven. She was in love with all of the hot men that surrounded her (but we had to keep reminding her that she had no chance with these boys). She danced, she flirted, she flaunted her stuff, and the boys surrounded her! She absolutely loved the attention, but again we had to remind her that the boys were more interested in talking to her about her fabulous fashion style than they were about talking her into to taking it off.

After some time at Rich’s, we decided to hit Numbers before closing time. A couple of my friends really wanted to do the hip-hop thing, and a couple others were still feeling the dance music thing. So Numbers was the perfect compromise, as it hosts a hip-hop room and a separate HiNRG dance area. Fag hag made her way back and forth between both rooms and found a hottie for everyone in our group. Nice to have a fruit fly around!

After some time at Numbers, we decided to end the night at Club Montage. The best part was that the club was hosting a “Customer Appreciation Night,” and admission was totally free! That was a nice little treat for us, as the drinks we bought at On Broadway earlier that night broke the bank. Montage is always the hot place to be, with three levels of fun. We had a great time dancing, and Ms. Fag Hag herself scored! Yes, there is a thing called a “fag stag.” It’s a straight guy who likes to hang with the gay boys. Somehow their “straightdar” went off and they found each other (if we have gaydar, I suppose heteros must have straightdar). Certainly the fag hag had a fabulous time with the “boys,” but when she ran into this “man” it was bye-bye boys. They’ve been dating for about a week now and seem to be hitting it off well. And she’s got me all jealous because this boy is hot!

Grab a fruit fly and hit the dance floor!

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