(March 20-April 19): Botox will take care of those unwanted wrinkles and laugh lines. If cash is tight, skip the injections and instead try to remain expressionless. Who needs to smile when you look flawless?

(April 20-May 20): A pinch of charm and a dash of flirtation will go a long way professionally. It’s important to remember, however, that you’re trying to get ahead, not give it.

(May 21-June 20): Time to reinvent yourself. A new cut, clothes, style – all of it! Add a piercing or tattoo for edge. Now if we could only work on that personality…

(June 21-July 22): Cancer is especially artistic this month. It’s time to add to your current list of extracurriculars. Try guitar lessons or pop behind some turntables, anything to get those creative juices flowing.

(July 23-Aug. 22): Miss kitty in heat? You’re feeling extra frisky lately, even for a feline. Prowl around some of your old haunts and dig up some rough trade.

(Aug. 23-Sept. 22): A new chapter is beginning. Embrace change but don’t forget those you’re leaving behind. A biweekly martini night is requisite. That’s not a request, bitch.

(Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Peel away that pretty-boy persona and you’re just a pig in Prada clothing. Keep it safe but far from clean.

(Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Slow it down, turbo. Uninstall that revolving door and settle down some, eh? Your reputation for being a ho may interfere with a soon-to-be love interest.

(Nov. 22-Dec. 20): A little too much bran could spell disaster for any good bottom. Tailor your grocery list accordingly. A diet high in fiber and leafy greens is best left for nights off.

(Dec. 21-Jan. 19): Rethink recent purchases. Can you afford it? If saving money was a New Year’s resolution, you’ve already fallen off the wagon. Hang onto receipts for impulse purchases and return what’s not needed.

(Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Shallow doesn’t even begin to describe you. Look beyond the surface. Of course, don’t date anyone ugly. But average to above average is totally acceptable.

(Feb. 19-March 19): Look outside of your local watering holes for fresh meat. A trip out of town, an alternative club, a college campus – it’s everywhere if you just look.